snapchatting:

babe get ready for a night on the town, i just found an old Subway gift card and there’s still $9.45 left on it

sadpigeon:

*sips cup of tea at Starbucks* *puts down John Green book* *sighs* I guess I’m a little tumblr-famous. I got like… thirty notes on a WeHeartIt picture I reposted once. *shrugs* it’s whatever, though. I don’t let it go to my head

me: hey google what's up
google: did you mean the stratosphere?
me: that's my shit, google. anyway, you know where i can find them little hot dogs, the mini wieners they serve at weddings?

buffbon:

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifteen percent concentrated power of will, five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain, and a hundred percent reason to remember the name

robertshmurder:

the game is evolving too quickly

cringepics:

someone’s skipping leg day