spookyassliam:

Tbh man take me back

miucciapet:

android commercial: *proves that they’re better than iphones in every way possible*

me: …and?

her: come over
me: i can't my dog just fell asleep on my lap
her: my parents aren't home
me: he is ASLEEP
PE Teacher: why are you running so slowly
Me: It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop - Wisdom of Confucius

kingcheddarxvii:

Not the heroes we thought we needed but the heroes we really needed all along

darrynek:

when you’re buying something and the cashier gives you change and people are waiting in line behind you and slowly moving forward and you’re trying to cram your change in your wallet and get out of the way as fast as you can that shit is horrifying and traumatic

yungterra:

You want my phone number? It’s useless. The best way to contact me is to fill a human skull with acorns and vigorously shake it into the night. I will hear you eventually.